As I am desperately late submitting copy for this article which none of you read anyway, I have been slightly fortunate in being up to date with world current affairs.  The recent appalling attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team in Pakistan has given me cause to reflect on the eclectic nature of membership of Nomads. The fact is that, though comprising any number of religions, colours, beliefs, sexual preferences, drinking and eating habits, we do in the main get along fine and without resorting to extremes of violence.  That’s not to say, of course, that if the Nomads football team, recently beaten by a bunch of old has-beens from Howzat, had been armed they probably would have used the weapons. Conceivably it would have been their only chance of winning.  Our cricket team, for example, has both Indians and Pakistanis playing
quite happily together side by side. As long as they keep the kit clean, mow the field, tidy up the dressing room, polish the silver and serve tea with those nice thin little cucumber sandwiches at exactly 4pm, the rest of us get along with them fine also.

Of course, you have to be careful what you write these days. The older amongst us will remember the Fatwa ordered upon Salman Rushdie for his book the Satanic Verses. Whereas I may only have a few pissed off ex-colonials after me, the Ayatollah, a humourless non-sport playing old fart if ever there was one, took the extreme measure of asking the world’s 1.4 billion Muslims to top poor Salman.  He sat out almost the entire decade of the 90’s on a remote Scottish Moor taking the somewhat defensive tack of testing the local postman with bacon sandwiches before accepting mail.  One can only wonder what would have happened if the sequel, “Buddha: What a Bastard”, had ever been published.

Of course its 10’s time again and the main theme of this largely ignored diatribe must be Nomads and its sports.  You will have noticed the Nomads Caribou has been re-rendered as a rugby playing brute, rough hewn by nature and sporting a physique matched only by my own. One local female was prompted to comment that she would be very tempted to “give ’im one” if it were possible. This not entirely healthy, and in many places quite illegal, theme struck a chord.

Not so many years ago they was a slight fracas in one of the bars when a 10’s rugby player (presumably a kiwi) decided to handcuff himself not only to a goat, which was his steady girlfriend at the time, but also to a young lady who had happened to find herself in too close a proximity to the bovine lovers.   The lady took umbrage and this subsequently prompted the arrest of all three.  As the goat was eventually eaten, the player released and the lady returned to her place of work it’s safe to assume all were properly f****d by the experience one way or the other. Goats at the ground have been wary ever since, although the offspring of that illicit liaison can often be heard bleating at the road end of the ground, presumably about support for the KIDS (boom boom).

Some of the luckier ones who attended the recent Clark Cricket 6’s will have spotted the club’s President (no name necessary) piloting his Ford F150 with a large fibreglass cow perched in the truck. It’s absolutely true, I am not the only one who saw him, there were udders!   It reminded me of the story of the Irish farmer, Shamus, who had a collision with a similar truck. He decides to sue the truck owner several weeks after the accident for injuries received despite telling police at the scene he was fine. When questioned in court he explained that his cow Bessie, who had been in his trailer, had been injured in the accident and as she lay moaning and mooing, a policemen shot her between the eyes. The same cop seeing Shamus lying injured by the road came over to him gun in hand and asked him how he was? Well what would you have said?

In this instance the cow, and the CRAFT members who kidnapped her, made it safely to the ground and enjoyed the second 6’s competition a great deal, eventually finishing runners up on only our first outing. The spirit of competition and camaraderie we found there carries forward to the Rugby 10’s at Nomads this month. The Philippines is a great place to watch and play your sport of choice, unencumbered by political or religious differences - enjoy the rugby and have a great couple of days with us in Manila at Nomad Sports Club.

Rodney Hall